East of Eden
by Dandy in the Aspic
Summary: Shepard, Kaidan and Ash discover what is muted and marginal, where dead things grow, and nothing is what it appears to be. An ME1 Shenko adventure story featuring Team Milky Way.
1. Water

_Content warning: Sexual situations and implied substance use. Different tone from my regular writing, and different from the regular hard sci-fi feel of Mass Effect. Romance, action/adventure, humour, relationships, and horror elements but nothing too graphic and no character death. Swearing as is customary for my Shepard. _

_Kaidan/Femshep relationship_

_Shepard/Ash friendship_

* * *

_To love a swamp, however, is to love what is muted and marginal, what exists in the shadows, what shoulders its way out of mud and scurries along the damp edges of what is most commonly praised. And sometimes its invisibility is a blessing. Swamps and bogs are places of transition and wild growth, breeding grounds, experimental labs where organisms and ideas have the luxury of being out of the spotlight, where the imagination can mutate and mate, send tendrils into and out of the water._

- Barbara Hurd, Stirring the Mud.

* * *

"This is hell on... " Shepard trailed off, and then scoffed, "Well, not Earth. But hell by any definition."

Shepard was shoulder deep in a swamp, her hands held above her head, trying to save her precious pistol from being jammed with thick, cloying mud. There were alien bugs swarming around her helmet, their buzz humming up and down her spine. The air pressed in on her, every breath heavy even under her helmet. Ash's face was the picture of misery beside her, her assault rifle held so tightly above her head. She gripped it like it was a precious baby, and the mud was lava that was dying to consume any that fell into its path. Tendrils of her thick, dark hair fell into her eyes.

Kaidan, on the other hand, looked far too unruffled for her liking. He struggled through the mud ahead of the two women, whistling.

It was one of the shittiest days in her career, Shepard decided. How could he pick today of all days to be in a good mood, when they were stuck in a swamp and having time stolen in which they could be hunting Saren?

"Skipper," Ash said, flicking a gnat the size of her fist away from her shoulder. The air seemed to thrum, thick with power, and heat and promise. "I have never agreed with you more. Why the hell are there turian insignias in a swamp and why the hell are we the ones retrieving them? Let the turians chase down their own damn baubles."

"Chief, the Commander promised to retrieve them. It's an interspecies cooperation thing. It's just our bad luck that it's become buried in this swamp," Kaidan said, pulling himself onto a dryer shelf of mud.

He scrambled up the steep shelf, feet scrabbling for purchase. Shepard found herself grateful for once he was so tall, she wasn't sure she could have made it up without the aid of biotics. To get out of this disgusting mud, she'd gladly suffer having to always cant her head up to meet his eyes for the rest of her life.

Kaidan stood on the top of the shelf, stretching his long legs, and stiff back.

Shepard puffed, moving torturously slow to where he stood. She needed dry land. She was a marine. Marines weren't meant for mud. She was an adult. She was not fighting the urge to scream that she was going back to the _Normandy_ right this second and showering for three years.

She _needed_ that turian insignia. She would get it or die trying. Shepard had often been told she had a one track mind. In fact, it was an accusation Anderson had often hurled at her in a long-suffering tone. Right then, though, it was the only thing getting her to her next step, the next tree stump, the next clump of mushrooms.

"Interspecies, my ass," Shepard mumbled under her breath. "I'll interspecies their face."

"Shepard, that didn't even make sense," Kaidan responded calmly. He pulled his helmet off and clipped it to his armor belt as he waited for the two women to make it to his mud-girt island. She almost threw a fistful of mud at him when he raised his eyebrow in amusement at her plight.

She was going to wipe that smirk right off his handsome face.

"Yes, it did," she growled, and attempted an awkward treading of mud. Her muscles protested, sick of fighting against the oppressive weight and slurp of the mud as her thighs cut a path through it. Ash groaned just a little bit behind her, and Shepard almost turned to lend a hand, but realized that would take far more energy to struggle back through the mud than she currently possessed.

In her mind, any battle versus mud was every man and woman for themselves. Any other day and she would walk over hot coals for Ash.

"Err, ok. It did." Kaidan nodded, evidently deciding against arguing with her in her current mud-encrusted state, not to mention tangling with her wickedly foul mood.

"This place is weird, isn't it?" he continued, gesturing to the swamp. Trees that resembled mangroves on Earth twisted around the mud, and grew to form an impenetrable canopy, blocking the light to create a gloomy, secretive atmosphere. The trees and mud were why they had to go on foot rather than roll in the Mako or get dropped in directly with the _Normandy_. Joker had said they could probably blast their way in, but Shepard had vetoed that wild idea, knowing the asari natives wouldn't exactly appreciate their sacred, ancient swamp being blown up.

Mass effect canons attached to state-of-the-art warships were meant for blowing things up in space, not blowing chunks of _planets_ up.

She just hadn't counted on the trees growing so thick, or the oppressive atmosphere. It was cramped, a lot of the time they had to move in a single file, scurry over roots, and scale giant fallen logs.

Shepard was fit. She could run for hours without breaking stride. She could lift twice her weight. She could arm wrestle and win against men and women twice her size. She had gene mods to turn her from someone unimpressively small, into someone formidable who could take men like Kaidan down with skill and training.

Even she was starting to flag in the uliginose wetlands.

"Yeah, no kidding," Shepard murmured in response to Kaidan's painfully obvious observation.

Even the comms were fritzing, something in the atmosphere, or perhaps the very trees themselves seeing to preclude noise and movement. Maybe the mud was frying their circuitry. Kaidan said there was nothing he could do in the field to fix them, so Shepard coped by sending short comm bursts to Joker and Pressly, apprising them of their progress, but otherwise maintained radio silence.

The asari who called this planet home said it was heavy with element zero, and was a veritable microcosm of life. In all the asari's long, thousands of years of galactic history, they still hadn't catalogued and classified a fraction of the species that live there.

It rained a lot, and the plant life responded, growing wild and untamed. Even the technologically advanced asari accommodated for the boon of life, making their homes in the trees. The settlement the _Normandy _ground team had left hours ago to begin their trek was an architectural and mechanical wonder that Kaidan had been practically drooling over to Shepard and Ash's amusement. He always did have a weird little kink for architecture that baffled Shepard.

The settlement had been a strange mix of nature and modern technology. Glass and metal wedged into tall trees to make beautiful homes. The roots twisted around them, holding them secure and tight out of the muddy streams. The asari had installed special lifts all over the settlement, powered by the abundant element zero. Ash had commented it was rather like Venice, but instead of water canals it was mud, and asari architecture rather than Venetian designs. Inside the houses they had all the modern amenities, but outside looked like Earth's old bayous. It was almost strategic, Shepard had commented. They looked primitive, but their technology was just as advanced as anything she could find on Thessia.

She had listened with half an ear to the Matriarch who had given the directions into the swamp, knowing her comm was recording for future reference anyway. She had been far too awed with the greenery, the settlement bursting with life and movement. Little monkey-like creatures scampered to and fro, and there seemed to be hordes of tiny asari children chasing after them. Gardens bloomed all around the houses, and natural creeks were directed down channels and into water systems to send water to the houses hundreds of feet above. Their water was recycled back into the gardens, mini-waterfalls falling down the trees. There wasn't a dead plant in sight. She doubted this planet even knew how to do 'dead'.

Shepard had never seen anything like it in her long career and all her travels with the Alliance.

"This place is disgusting. I don't know why those asari nudists or whatever would wanna live here. This is the worst planet I have ever been to," Ash said.

"Oh, but Ash," Shepard cooed, putting on a deliberately high voice, "They wanna get in touch with nature, didn't you hear? You can't do that with clothes on, apparently."

"Why are you two so critical? You're as bad as each other," Kaidan asked, frowning. "I think it's admirable to shun technology and get back to nature."

"Yeah. I'm sure that's what you were, ahem, '_admiring_' back at the settlement, sir," Ash scoffed and Shepard giggled. "Their 'getting back to nature', otherwise known as buck naked and sporting a massive rack. I saw your tongue hanging out, LT. Don't pretend to be all innocent."

Shepard grinned. It was true. The planet Anjea (as it was known to the asari) was like a nudist retreat for asari. Some of them wore clothes, but a lot of them went bare. Shepard hadn't quite known where to look at first but had become used to it. They had no shame of their bodies, why should she be ashamed to view them? It was remarkably asexual and despite her joking with Ash, she did admire their lifestyle in a way. It seemed so relaxed and trouble free, an alien concept to Shepard. Their only caveat was that any males of any species weren't allowed into the heart of the settlement. Kaidan had to wait on the outskirts, and Shepard had to give him grudging credit. Ash teased him, but he had actually buried his nose in his omni-tool to avoid looking anywhere he wasn't supposed to.

Truthfully, if Shepard had enough money, she wouldn't have minded a shore leave back at the settlement. Although she held to the belief that getting naked was something private and intimate, the whole place had a healing and relaxation quality she would have liked to take advantage of. Her arm was panging lately, dull aches if she lay on it wrong in the night. Maybe they had some sort of miracle cure here for too many times shattered bones?

She scolded herself. That was ridiculous and uncharacteristic of her. She was a realist, not an optimist.

Shepard had seen a lot of asari who in their regular life were galactic business shareholders or CEOs, rich beyond her wildest dreams. They all came here for sabbaticals, health retreats or vacations. They had insisted to Shepard (while trying to sell her pots of skin cream and fertility totems) that a lot of the plants had healing properties, or were just held as a sort of 'asari feng shui' able to cure whatever ailed them through the power of the life in the planet.

Shepard had barely refrained from rolling her eyes. What a load of bullshit.

Who was she kidding? She'd go nuts inside a week with their spiritual mumbo jumbo. She supposed the asari had a kind of deeper mental connection with the planet, or the plants, their brains allowing them some insight Shepard was unable to achieve. The Matriarch had said some of the plants had complicated enough nervous systems to pique some salarian interest into declaring them sentient. Ash's eyebrows had risen so high up her forehead Shepard had severe concern they were going to fall straight off, and she couldn't deny it reminded her uncomfortably of the Thorian.

Shepard shook herself from her thoughts and watched, amused, as Kaidan's face went red at Ash's pointed gibe, and pressed his lips firmly together. He was probably realizing that he was just going to dig himself a massive hole with his two fellow marines, one that he wouldn't be able to climb out of, even with the aid of all the ladders in the galaxy. She felt a little bit sorry for him, Ash had been on particularly sharp roll today.

Shepard finally made it to the edge of his island, and he crawled down onto his stomach to wrap his arms under her armpits and haul her out of the mud with a wet _squelch_. She clutched his shoulders, trying to gain purchase on the steep slope with her boots and scale it. They slipped in the mud.

"Betcha wishing I didn't have that huge breakfast, eh, LT?" she panted.

"Nah." He smiled back, his face inches from hers. "You're pretty light."

"Just you wait." Shepard smirked. "One of these days I'm going to lift you, and make you all embarrassed. Carry you around all manfully. How'd you like that?"

"Hell, Shepard." Kaidan laughed. "You could lift Wrex and I wouldn't be surprised in the least."

He settled her down on the ground, finally freed from the mud, and she took the opportunity to stretch her aching muscles and pull off her confining helmet. Her hair spilled out of the bun she had tied it in, the hair band falling to the ground. His eyes lingered on the freed strands.

"Here," he said, and bent to pick up the hair band. "It fell out."

Shepard's breath caught when he pulled off his glove and used his clean hand to gather the strands. His bare skin brushed the back of her neck and she shivered, feeling a jolt in the vicinity of her navel.

The wild strands tamed, he stepped back. She was pleased to see he wouldn't meet her eyes. Maybe he was just as surprised as her with the naturalness of the act, the way he just thought nothing of touching her intimately.

The swamp was not the only dangerous thing on Shepard's mind.

"Y-your hair was messy. I was, uh, just was fixing it, Commander. It's, um, dangerous. Could get caught on something. For the team, you know," he stammered, and she had to hold back a grin.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. That's...well, um, really above and beyond the call of duty."

"Ahem!" Ash coughed. "Little help here, _sir_?" she said with a pointed glare.

Kaidan threw himself onto his belly (half to escape her scrutiny and knowing eyes, she was sure) and hauled Ash up onto the dry shelf of land as he had helped Shepard. Unlike Shepard, Ash scrambled up, insisting on doing half the work herself, and nearly unsettling him enough to pull him back into the mud.

Shepard's lips twitched. She thought wickedly that it would have been hilarious to see him fall face first into the mud with no helmet. A little bit of payback for teasing her all day. She winked at Ash.

Her Gunnery Chief never let anyone think she couldn't do anything perfectly fine by herself. Shepard appreciated her go-get-'em attitude more than she ever let on. Ash was a breath of fresh air, brash and gutsy with just the right amount of sass to regularly make Shepard have to bite back inappropriate smiles.

Shepard didn't flatter herself to think they were similar, but she _did_ think she had found some sort of kindred spirit in Ash, someone who was quickly turning into a lifelong friend, despite Shepard's terrible friend making skills.

"Alright! Thank fuck that's over," Ash chirped, patting down her pink armor. She just succeeded in smearing mud further around. She sighed, pouting, so Shepard bumped her shoulder with her own.

"Cheer up, Chief. I'm told mud is great for the skin. We'll get back to the _Normandy_ and poor Kaidan here will be forced into a great love affair with Wrex and Garrus. Those two never could resist baby soft skin. Look at him, he'll be so even more pretty. We'll never be able to compete now."

Ash nodded seriously, eyes gleaming.

Kaidan narrowed his eyes. "Shepard, have I done something to you today? I said I was sorry for eating the last of the cereal. I didn't know it was yours! I'll buy you some more. Adams helped me eat it too; I don't see you getting mad at him."

"You know that it's my favorite, but you just had to go and be a massive pig. That's not fair. It's my job to be the sole pig on the _Normandy_."

"Oh please. There was like two spoonfuls left. You snooze, you lose," he scoffed, moving closer. Shepard gazed up at him, lips twitching. He was so close she could see the flecks of amber in his eyes.

"Oh yeah? I'll hold you down next time and beat your ass if you eat my cereal," she said, poking him in the chest.

"Maybe that's my master plan," he rasped and they glared into each other's eyes, a silent battle of wills. "I like adventurous women."

There was a grin hovering in the shadows of his face, held back with only his determination not to break their stalemate first.

"Maybe _I_ just like watching you squirm," Shepard said lowly. "Besides, I heard the med bay nurses gossip. They do think you're pretty with your soulful gaze and tall, dark and broody shtick."

"I'm not pretty. I'm manly as hell."

Shepard smiled and crossed her arms. "Hmm. Manly, huh?"

His dark eyes twinkled warmly at her, and she felt a pull low in her stomach. She wasn't imagining when he seemed to stand a little bit straighter and puff his chest out.

"Should I leave and let you two get a room or something? 'Cause I can just tramp back the way I came and leave you to your vomit-worthy flirting. No biggie," Ash interjected, breaking the moment. She shook her head with an impish grin. "I swear, you're worse than my parents used to be. And they were married for over twenty years."

Shepard coughed and busied herself fussing with her helmet, folding it down and clipping it to her belt now they were out of the worst of the mire. Kaidan suddenly found a cluster of mushrooms very interesting.

Ash's laugh startled a nearby toad off his log.

"Alright, Chief," Shepard said. "That's enough."

Ash shrugged. "Yes, ma'am. I'm just teasing."

She scooped up a load of mud from her pauldron into her palm, and on Shepard's mischievous nod, threw it into Kaidan's hair.

He yelped and danced away; scowling so fiercely that Shepard couldn't help but break into gales of ugly, loud laughter that startled birds from the trees.

"Think that's funny do you, Commander?" he said, trying to get the mud out but just succeeding in having it slide down the side of his face. Shepard tried to bite her lip and stop laughing, really she did. Absolutely.

That'd teach him to be happy while she was grumpy and covered in mud.

"You look ridiculous, Kaidan! Your hair, oh my god."

He growled and leapt for her, wrapping his arms around her as she tried to escape, squeals of amusement escaping.

"Not so funny when you're all dirty like me, is it?" he laughed and scooped up some more mud, smearing it down the back of her neck and into her hair. It was cold and she shivered, goose bumps springing up on her skin.

She was sure part of that was from the way his lips were oh-so-accidentally pressed against her cheek, his body wrapped around hers, his breath warm, and his voice husky.

"Stop, stop!" she cried, laughing so hard tears were falling down her face. His arms were around her waist, holding as she struggled (very half-heartedly) and she could have sworn he pressed his lips to the back of her neck for a moment. "Ash! Your Commander needs extraction from the seditious LT!"

"I got ya, Skipper."

Ash was at their side, wrestling Kaidan off Shepard with mud and threats and a lot of creative hand-to-hand movements. A flick of her wrist and she had somehow wrestled his right hand behind his back. Shepard almost winced, the smile slipping off her face, and had to steel herself to stop from pulling Ash off him.

If someone had wrenched her bad arm like that it would have snapped.

She reminded herself that his arm had probably never been broken and the worst he felt was some mild discomfit.

"Yield," Ash demanded as Kaidan struggled, still smiling. She dug her fingers into her side, and Shepard placed her hands on her hips, glaring at him as she would a prized newly captured prisoner of war.

"You have abused my CO's authority and I'm afraid I just can't stand for that, LT." Her eyes danced and Shepard tried to catch her breath, giggles still escaping at the smirk on Kaidan's face.

"You started it, Chief," Kaidan protested. "And she's cruel."

Ash paused, considering. "Yeah. You're right. She is pretty evil."

Shepard's jaw dropped.

"Alliance?" Kaidan asked, nodding seriously at Ash.

"Truce," she replied, and released him. They stood for long minutes, smiles dying from their faces and their breaths evening out.

Some of the stress of their long trek deeper into the swamp left the team, the atmosphere suddenly lighter. Shepard felt buoyant, as if an inflating balloon, finally freed from the grasp of gravity. There was a heavy perfume in the air, and a gurgle of volcanic gas. She was sure there had to be some hot springs nearby.

"Alright, alright," Shepard said, re-establishing some professionalism. Her head felt a little woozy. She wished Kaidan would stop watching her like that. "Enough fun."

"We're filthy," Ash said, picking at the mud. "How far until the turian insignia? We might have to camp if we can't make the trek back to the LZ by nightfall."

"Wait 'til the mud dries, Chief," Shepard said, eyeing her own filthy attire and knowing Ash trying to clean it now would be a fool's errand. Ash blinked slowly, rubbing the thick mud between her fingers and frowning. "Then you'll be able to just pick it off. LT, how's that navpoint on the insignia coming?"

"Commander," Kaidan responded, omni-tool manifesting and lighting the gloom with a sickly orange glow. "I have some more readings from the insignia. It's this way. Shouldn't be more than a klick."

Shepard nodded. She raised her pistol and stepped forward, guided by Kaidan's 'tool.

* * *

"Do you hear that whispering?" Kaidan asked as they drew close to the heart of the swamp. More and more light was being cut off by the trees, and dead animals began appearing, trapped by the mud as they were.

To Shepard's alarm, some of them showed signs of struggle. There were marks and wounds on their bodies, slices and teeth impressions.

She passed some sort of dead, giant elk and frowned, the light heartened rough-housing she had with the two marines that afternoon forgotten and her bad mood returning.

"No. I don't hear anything, LT," Ash responded. Her eyebrows were drawn over her forehead, giving her a hawkish air and her shoulders were held in a wickedly uptight line. She pulled out her standard issue Ka-Bar, and with a lightning fast movement, sliced through some vines blocking their route. Beside her Shepard unsheathed her own and held it in her standard ice-pick grip, flicking it over and over in agitation.

She saw Kaidan's hand ghost over his own knife, strapped to his thigh.

Something was humming in her brain. Something that made her teeth tingle, and had her grinding her jaw. The military issue knife was a comfort in her hands, something solid, and something real.

Kaidan raised one dark brow at her and she started, realizing what he was questioning by the blue glow suddenly filling the cramped confines. Ash looked at her warily. She'd been flaring unconsciously, the dark energy dancing over her skin.

Shepard breathed, and he stepped closer to her, using his presence as some sort of unspoken comfort. She felt her eyes return to their usual color and his frown lessened.

She glanced down and saw he held his pistol in a white knuckled grip. She put a hand over his briefly when Ash's back was turned, and his grip loosened a fraction. In turn, he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed and she sheathed her knife.

"You alright, Ash?" Shepard asked, but she didn't answer, just gave a cursory bob of her head.

Now that Kaidan put into words what she was hearing, the hum resolved into small, sinuous voices. The words made no sense, no rhythm or reason. It didn't have the normal cadence of speech, no ebb and flow, but it was like continuous, monotonous chatter. Perhaps the same words over and over, with no breath in between them. A chant? A prayer? A hum? Shepard didn't know. She didn't think they were in English, and her translator couldn't even pick it up. It was ancient and cloying. Like rotting flesh, picked clean bones. Or bodies in a bog, preserved forever.

The whispers made her stomach clench. It was like the heavy, pregnant air before the rainstorm, bursting with promise and malice. If she could see the clouds, Shepard would have said they were black. As it was, the gloom pressed in on them. Every time she turned her head too quickly, she would see shadows out of the corner of her eyes.

"I hear it, Kaidan," she said grimly. She felt relieved that someone had broken the silence and put into words the thing surrounding them. It was like he had brought into in the forefront of her mind something that was supposed to live in dark shadows. "Don't you hear it, Ash? At all?"

Ash shook her head. "No."

Ahead Shepard could see something shimmer, a ray of light just glancing off the metal. It was her turian insignia. Shepard jogged forward and grabbed it from the branch it hung from, still attached to its owner's chain.

Where its owner's body was she couldn't say. Probably swallowed by the bog hundreds of years ago, she thought grimly. She slung it around her neck and trekked back to the waiting Kaidan and Ash.

"We should leave, quickly," Shepard said. "I don't like it here. It feels like we're being watched. It's getting dark but I'd rather risk walking by omni-tool light than settling in here for the night."

They nodded, their weapons held aloft and turned to begin the arduous four hour trip back to the settlement and the _Normandy_ waiting in orbit for pickup from there.

Both Kaidan and Ash's dusky skin was grey, their normal healthy casts washed out by the light and the nameless fear creeping upon them. Shepard was sure she was so pale that her freckles would stand out harshly. Her mouth was dry, and as she watched Kaidan's Adam's apple bob in a wretched swallow, she knew his was too.


	2. Stream

They tramped along in morbid silence, somehow the three of them fit, healthy and deadly marines made afraid of the dark and the invisible eyes watching.

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep," Ash burst out loudly, breaking the silence. "But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep."

Shepard let go of a breath she hadn't known she was holding, and some of the fear lessened. "The woods are kinda _ugly _right now, dark and deep. And no one uses miles as a unit of measurement anymore because this isn't the twentieth century, Chief."

Ash frowned. "You're too literal. You know that?"

"I'm too not literal."

"Are too."

"Am not."

Shepard laughed and it was like the sun bursting through a raincloud. Kaidan sighed and shook his shoulders, the past hour of tense walking finally broken. He wandered ahead, picking his pace up and using his Ka-Bar to cut an easy path as Shepard guarded their rear and Ash held the centre.

Shepard elbowed Ash in the side, grinning. "All I'm saying is why bother with poetry and romance, when a quick 'we'll bang, ok?' gets them where you want them ninety-nine-per-cent of the time? No fuss, no muss. On you hop, soldier, and ride that stallion."

Ash burst out laughing and shoved her playfully back, clear water sloshing around their ankles. They were on a path past the mud they had found, some kind of stream or worn animal path. Inexplicably, Shepard seemed to remember the water further into the swamp being black, but the further they moved away, the clearer it became.

The strangeness of that fact was lost on her, her brain heavy and fuzzy.

"Who the hell have you been dating, woman?"

Shepard winked. "Who said I date?"

"Well, whatever. If there's no muss, you're not doing it right, Shepard."

She smiled at Shepard with a twinkle in her eye and raised her voice to turn and call ahead, "What's your opinion on muss, Kaidan? Yay or nay?"

He slowed to let them catch up with him and bit his lip, smiling. Shepard was a little stunned at the transformation. Only minutes ago she could have said he looked forty-five. She thought worriedly that there may have been some truth to what the asari said about the swamp life. It seemed to be draining them, pulling them down into bad feelings. Now with the atmosphere broken, Kaidan looked his age, young and happy. She could barely even notice the tiny fleck of grey in his hair by his temples, when it was all she could notice ten minutes ago.

"Uh, what?" he blurted, smiling at her uncertainly. "Why do I feel like I just walked into a trap?"

"Walk on, marine," Shepard barked, laughing and shooed him ahead by shoving him in the back. "It's big girl talk."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." He threw her a fake salute and took point again, sending her a suspicion-filled glance.

"I'll have you know, I have had plenty of muss in my time," Shepard whispered to keep her voice from straining ears belonging to one curious Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. "I do things fine."

"Uh huh," Ash hummed, smile in her voice. Shepard could tell she highly doubted she did any kind of mussing fine, and secretly Shepard agreed. It was nothing to write home about. Drunk and disorderly wasn't as fun as it sounded. So many wasted nights.

Her thoughts turned bitter, thinking of her last shore leave and how she spent it alone, drunk in bars, a nameless man and margaritas her only refuge from bad memories.

She knew they only added to the bad, but couldn't bring herself to be alone with her thoughts. The memories had a way of creeping up, and it had been worse that shore leave before the _Normandy_. Her last medical had indicated early onset arthritis in her bad arm. It needed surgery or would potentially put her career in jeopardy. She would have to face the prospect of surgery and recovery time after the Saren business was over and she couldn't quite deal with her old life intruding into the one she had clawed for herself in the Alliance. Even perhaps the one she had tentatively made with Kaidan and the _Normandy_ crew.

It not for the Reds, if not for her mother, if not for her early bouts with malnutrition and harsh winters, her arm would be fine, and she wouldn't wake up in cold weather with an ache and have to gulp down meds that the Alliance doctor prescribed.

Most of the time it was fine, the lightened gravity in space putting less pressure on it.

Sometimes though… she considered getting major surgery to fix it once and for all. Even then the docs said with a full reconstruction there were no guarantees, and she wasn't sure she could afford it anyway. Anderson had offered to help on the sly, but she had refused. He wasn't her father. She had to make her own way in life, and basic Alliance healthcare didn't fund that kind of surgery.

"So, you're gonna try your pick up line on shore leave?" Ash asked, sending Shepard a conspiratorial wink and motioning to Kaidan walking ahead. Shepard was pulled from her morbid thoughts, where the shadows crept up on her and the trees pressed in. She blinked and Ash's happy face intruded, the shadows retreating to the edges, and the whispers quieting. That was right. She had a shore leave to look forward to. One she hopefully wouldn't be spending alone.

"'Cause I gotta say, I don't think he'll care if you use poetry, or 'get on the floor and give me twenty'. You've got him good."

Shepard sniffed and looked away from her teasing, laughing eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about. But yes. I think I'll go with the banging line. Simple, sweet. Gets my point across. None of this wishy washy woods stuff."

Ash frowned. "It's not about the woods, Shepard. It's about having things to do, promises to keep, and until they're done, there's no rest and no death. I wanted to say something else."

"What?"

"I know I tease, but I've asked him and he avoids it…"

"_What_?" Shepard asked again, impatient.

"Just make sure this," Ash's eyes darted to Kaidan, "is a shore leave only thing, OK? Things have a way of getting complicated when you mix business and relationships."

Shepard ignored the pounding of her heart and managed to say evenly, "Of course. The team is important to me."

Eager to move off _that_ topic she said, "So tell me about the woods?"

"Not if you're gonna mock the poem."

"I don't mock. I gently criticize. So what?" Shepard asked, drawn into the argument despite her lack of interest in poetry. "It's saying you're not even allowed to _die_ in peace? That seems pretty shitty. Dignity in death is the one thing a person should be afforded, no matter who they are in life."

"No." Ash shook her head. "Not when there are things to do. The poem can be interpreted as a metaphor for death, for struggling through life."

"Well. That's cheerful," Shepard scoffed. "Can we go back to talking about sex now? I've had enough of people dying to last me for a while. This place is depressing enough."

Ash's eyes drifted to the canopy, weak sunlight dappling green onto her face. She took a deep breath and Shepard was struck by how very beautiful she was and how much Shepard had begun to count on her steady presence.

"The woods are a seduction, a way to lie down and forget everything," Ash explained, plucking a red flower from a stem and paused to gently thread it into Shepard's hair.

Shepard could smell its heady perfume. It was like a poison, almost a tangible thing that crept up her nose, and into her lungs, her bloodstream, and her heart. Shepard sighed. It was beautiful, the realness of this place, especially the further they moved away from its rotten heart. Beautiful and terrible. The brutality, the rot, the brief life that burnt hard and fast like a candle, and was ended, only to renew from the death of something greater than itself. She had never felt more human, more primitive, or more natural.

"They're oblivion, they're a way to let go. They're rest."

"I can't rest, and I can't let go," Shepard muttered.

"It's a poem about life, and what it's about. How we struggle through even when it would be so much easier to lie down and give up. It's about not even stopping for death when you have promises to keep and things to do. When you have things to live for." Ash smiled, and then they picked up their pace to catch up with Kaidan who was standing further along the path, waiting with his knife gripped ready. He was frowning again, so Shepard smiled at him. His eyes brightened.

"I really like it. I like to think it's about not giving up. Williams' have never been quitters," Ash said, in the voice of a woman who was a clear poetry snob. Shepard almost laughed at her. "I mean, Frost is no Tennyson who is my clear favorite. But he's alright."

"I'm just not a huge fan of death. Or metaphors. Or dying. Or words, really. Gimme something to shoot and something to drink, and I'm good to go. Maybe throw in a Blasto movie and some chocolate and I'm really happy."

"Like I said before, you're too literal. I like those things too, but you've got to have other things in life. You have family? How do you spend your leave?"

"I have no family. I just sorta get by doing my thing. It's fun," Shepard said, and even to her own ears it rang hollow.

"Oh. Do you spend Christmas with friends or-?"

"Nope."

Shepard shook her head. "Don't really celebrate and um, all my friends are on the _Normandy_. Spent it once with a boyfriend when I was twenty-two. Had been with him for about a year but I barely saw him, he was an engineer with the Alliance but stationed on a colony. I was very focused on my career and progressing through the Ns. It was pretty much just sex for me, but I guess he felt something more. He was sweet, but saw me for something other than what I was, I think. Little wife material, maybe. I sorta saw the signs too late that he had fallen in love."

Shepard sighed. "Men aren't my forte. Anyway, he tried to propose to me in front of a Christmas tree for some insane reason, so I dumped him. I think his name might have been Mark or Mack or something like that."

She hummed in thought.

"Maybe Tristan… ah well, result was the same. I think he told me my heart was made of stone or some other dramatic bullshit and ran off. Pity, I counted him as a good friend for a while there."

Shepard shrugged. It was less than five years ago, but already his memory had faded. She supposed that said enough to know he was a mistake from the beginning.

"You _dumped_ him?" Ash asked, her eyebrows skyrocketing again and her voice rising a little in incredulity. Kaidan glanced back, his frown firmly fixed on his face. "For proposing?"

"Yeah. I told him I didn't wanna get married so many times. That I didn't wanna do the whole family thing. Not my idea of a good time. He wanted things from me I could never give. Shame, he was a bit of a tiger in the sack. And I guess he was a good, kind man. I dunno."

"Wow. OK." Ash made an effort to wipe the expression off her face, but Shepard saw it.

There Shepard went, seeming like a bitch again. She felt like slapping her hands over her mouth and calling her honest words back.

"I mean, that's normal, right?" she asked Ash. "You wouldn't break up with a guy for proposing?"

"Uh no, actually. I think I'd just say thanks but no thanks, and um, if I liked him keep the relationship going. But I'm thinking you didn't like him very much."

"No. He was fine. I dunno. I just couldn't be bothered to deal with his feelings." She winced. "Yeah, OK, that sounds bad, doesn't it?"

Ash said nothing so Shepard forged ahead, fumbling awkwardly. "Um, so yeah, cross poetry and the inner workings of men's heart off my speciality list. Stick to pistols, biotics and I dunno, the complete listing of the species of deer in particular the United North American States ones and to a lesser extent around the world. If there's any deer off Earth, don't ask me though."

"You know them?" Ash asked, and Shepard laughed, feeling supremely stupid for bringing it up. Shepard's days stuck in medical and shore leave induced boredom were dark and dangerous days indeed. She spent it watching TV and flicking cards into an old hat while sitting in her underwear and letting her hair go greasy.

"All sixty-three. Good memory sometimes. I was bored on shore leave for about five weeks probably about a year or two ago now. Spent it in a motel with the wide range of galactic channels and nothing but nature programs on TV."

"Skipper, you are the weirdest CO I have ever had, and I say that with all affection."

"Thanks, Ash. That warms my heart."

"You can't read, can you, ma'am?" Ash said and then blushed, mortified to realize her faux pas in just blurting it right out to her CO's face.

Shepard coughed, feeling stupid and exposed. "Um, no. Not really. I mean, enough to get by. I'm not completely mentally deficient. Alliance sent me into all sorts of remedial classes to make up for my lack of school attendance. But I've just uh, never been terribly good at it. I get bored. I prefer the 'See Spot Run' books. Hand me a kid's book and I'm good. Once we get into the multiple syllable thing, well, crimes against nature are committed."

Ash slanted her a shy, furtive look. The gloom was encroaching again and despite her armor Shepard shivered with cold. "We could read some poetry together when we get back to the _Normandy_, if you like? You could tell me some deer facts."

"No, thanks," Shepard said flatly. She didn't need pity or fixing. She was fine with being how she was. "I think I'm beyond hope. Besides it's not very appropriate."

"Of course," Ash said, remembering she wasn't just speaking to a friend but a CO. "You're right, ma'am. My apologies."

Shepard softened, feeling bad for going all hardass just because her mouth ran away from her and told Ash far more than she ever wanted her to know.

"Thanks, Ash. That's very kind of you, though."

Shepard jogged a bit further ahead, making excuses she wanted to scout with Kaidan.

Deep down she just knew it was because she wanted to walk beside him and forget about the past and the future for a little while.

* * *

Shepard knew by the time on her omni-tool that the sun had long since sunk past the horizon, but they had lost all light before then. They practically stumbled in the dark, and Shepard was starting to regret not settling down in the last clearing for the night. They were in no real danger of getting lost. _Normandy_ sent them continuous pings from their Lagrangian point that made their omni-tool's directions accurate down to the millimetre.

They could be exhausted, uncomfortable, and water-logged, though. And they could still be injured by a nasty fall, or fall into hidden, deep puddles to drown by the weight of their armor. It took two minutes at bare minimum to shed armor, and that was in a well lit room, not panicked. Flailing around in the water would be more than enough to be pulled to the bottom, and have all breath stolen. They'd passed a dead monkey in a pool a klick back. He'd obviously fallen in and not had the strength or grip to claw out of the sides of the muddy pool again. His claw marks had been drying on the sides of the deep puddle, his bright red hair fanning in the dirty water.

"Hold," Shepard called. "We need to rest until morning. I know it's not ideal but we're not risking our lives. We'll sleep in shifts. The asari said the swamp was safe but I'm not inclined to believe them anymore. Ash, you take first watch, I'll take second, and Kaidan, you'll take last."

There was a chorus of 'Aye, aye, ma'am's and Shepard nodded, satisfied when Kaidan lay down on a strip of relatively dry moss and Ash took a perch on a high log for a good vantage point.

Shepard lay down, uncomfortable in her armor and cold. She'd taken second watch knowing it was the worst and she would have interrupted sleep, but she just hoped the other two would get some good rest. She also sincerely hoped mould wasn't growing on her already. She had a feeling she was out of luck on that count.

She shut her eyes and the next time she opened them it was to chaos.

"Get up, Shepard! Ash is gone. Something is here," Kaidan yelled, dragging her up.

Shepard stumbled to her feet, trying to shake off the strange sleep that had stolen over her.

"What?" she blurted, looking around for Ash. She could barely see in the gloom, but it felt empty, like if she just took one step she would fall into the abyss and never recover.

"Ash!" she called.

"Shh. Something's watching us," Kaidan murmured fiercely. "It's what woke me. I feel it. My teeth are tingling."

The air was heavy again, the water black around Shepard's ankles. She tried to manifest her omni-tool to look at the time, but the black seemed to swallow its light and no matter how hard she tried to read it, she couldn't see the time.

"I feel like I'm blinded, Kaidan. I think Ash should have woken me hours ago. What's going on?" she whispered back, groping in the dark for his shoulder to orient herself.

"I don't know. There are things moving out there."

Shepard's breath puffed out in white clouds, the temperature freezing against reason. She gripped her pistol so hard her knuckles popped.

There was a swish and then a thump and she realized Kaidan had been knocked to the ground by something. Seconds later, something flew at her face. She felt a sharp sting, a wound in her cheek opened deeply, and blood gushed into her mouth.

She stumbled away. "Lieutenant! With me. Get up."

She knew what had killed those animals now. Something had slit their throats. Flaps of skin from her cheek hung open.

"Shepard!" She felt, rather than saw him get up, and move towards her voice. His shoulder bumped into hers.

"What are they?" he whispered, his voice thick with fear. "Something tried to cut my throat open."

"I don't know. Birds maybe? We'll see how they like it when I stick them in a Singularity."

Shepard raised her arm, calling her tidal forces to bear their considerable power. She wasn't afraid of some alien birds, monsters, whatever the darkness was. She was strong with the power of gravity at her command. She'd make her own blue light, and send it out into the dark.

Nothing happened. She didn't even flare.

She thrust her hand out again, thinking she just made the incorrect mnemonic for Singularity for the first time in years.

Again, nothing happened. Panic bubbling was up her throat. She was half-blinded, and her best and strongest power failed her.

She tried to form a barrier. It was like trying to turn a TV on with no electricity.

Something in her brain wouldn't connect. Nothing fired, and she was left stubbornly in the darkness. She even tried just to form a useless biotic sphere in her palms, but they remained empty.

"Lieutenant!" she barked, voice weak and thready. She didn't know what was happening. Another creature rushed into her face, opening a deep cut right through her eyebrow. Blood streamed into her already vision-hampered eyes. She stumbled back, nearly falling over an unseen log and felt Kaidan almost knocked over again beside her. He grunted in pain.

"My biotics. They're not working! Oh god, why aren't they working?"

"Shepard?"

"Kaidan. I can't do _anything_."

**Wham!**

This time something hit her with terrible force in her stomach, and she was thrown across the clearing. She landed face first into muddy water and felt a force settle itself onto her back.

She couldn't breathe. She gulped down lungfuls of mud, bugs and who knew whatever else was in the water. She flailed, trying to free herself, but the force just pressed harder, bending her spine. She was going to die. She was going to be drowned in a puddle or her spine snapped. She was going to be left there to rot.

A hand was on her face. Someone was trying to turn her over, struggling with the force. She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and turn her over, and suddenly the force lessened and retreated.

She gasped air as her face was freed from the puddle, Kaidan dragging her upright.

"Oh my god," he said, pulling her limp body through the mud and rolling her onto her side and into the recovery position. "Are you alright? Holy shit. What was that?"

Shepard didn't answer. She was too busy vomiting water, cereal, and all the coffee she had drank that day. Her stomach heaved, her lungs burned and her spine protested. Kaidan smoothed the hair off her forehead, holding her as she clawed at his arms, trying to gather herself.

She felt him flick his hand, his own mnemonic for her personal barrier, his speciality. She knew he was going to try and protect them from whatever stalked out there in the night, in the invisible darkness. With a barrier they could gather themselves, and make plans.

Nothing happened. His eyes didn't light up blue in the dark. Blue wisps didn't dance over his body.

They were two stars with their fire stolen.

So close up, by the weak light of his omni-tool she saw his mouth firm.

"My biotics aren't working either."


	3. Riverbed

Shepard's mind raced as she clambered painfully to her feet, gripping her aching stomach. Somehow she'd lost her pistol being thrown across the clearing, and she could see it would be useless anyway. They could barely see three metres in front of their faces, let alone get a good enough sight to fire a gun and be sure not to hit friendlies.

Ash was still nowhere to be seen.

"Run!" she yelled, grabbing Kaidan's hand and pulling him along.

"What about Ash?!"

"She's not here. These things are gonna kill us and we can't fight them. Just keep running!"

They tore through the trees. Shepard didn't even know which direction she was running in, all her senses muddled. She had the presence of mind to click her comm, but only static greeted her. She doubted even the _Normandy_ would be able to connect.

They fell together into a waist-deep puddle. The water was black; she couldn't see past the surface which was as opaque as tar. A dead deer-like creature bobbed by, and she could see it had been pregnant, its belly bulging grotesquely.

She yanked his hand again, struggling through the water and trying not to let any splash on her face. She was the quicker of the two, and he tried to get her to let him go and run ahead, but she shook her head, and pulled his hand harder.

"Run, Shepard! I'll catch you up."

"Not a fucking chance in hell."

Something slammed into Shepard's back and threw her again face first into the water. Unable to help herself, she gulped automatically and knew that she would never feel clean again. Dead things floated by her face.

She felt a hiss, and bubbles swarm around her face and knew her airline in her suit had been cut. It was like whatever was chasing them knew exactly where to strike to disable the two marines. Something pinged off the armor of her leg, right over the tendon on the back of her knee. Without the armor it would have sliced right through and ham-strung her. As it was, it left a long, buckled scratch in the material.

Again, Kaidan yanked her head above water and this time he was the one to grab her hand and pull her along. She breathed raggedly, exhausted, her muscles burning with lactic acid and lack of oxygen.

"You OK?" he asked, as they climbed up the side of a muddy banked, clawing into the mud for purchase.

"Not by any definition of OK," she panted. "Just run."

Whispers chased them, that horrible monotonous chanting back and the sickly perfume in the air.

She had never felt more terrified, even on all her harrowing operations as a N7. Her biotics weren't working, a team member was missing, something kept trying to drown her, and she was sure it was driving them back into the heart of the swamp. The dark place, the secret place, the bad place.

Kaidan tripped and as he fell, he let go of her hand to stop himself dragging her down too. Instantly, darkness swarmed over him, a nasty cut appearing over his brow, and slicing into one of his thick eyebrows. He tried to shield his eyes with his hand, and Shepard knew if whatever was cutting them hit his eye, it would slice through the eyeball and they would be completely screwed.

Without thinking, she threw her whole body over him, exposing her back to the creatures and tucking her face into his side.

"Run, Shepard," he gasped again.

"No."

There was a moment of quiet, the creatures retreating for a second, perhaps to gather for another assault, so Shepard pulled his arm and raced through a thicket of trees where it seemed to lead to drier ground.

They ran for what felt like hours, and it never became lighter, the same gloom following them everywhere. The tree canopy never parted enough to see the sky, and Shepard lost all her bearings.

Eventually she collapsed, Kaidan falling alongside her in the mud. They couldn't run anymore. His face was puce colored, and she couldn't speak through her gasps of air.

Miraculously, they seemed to have stumbled somewhere the darkness couldn't follow, and she felt the whispering lessen, her ears no longer thrumming with ancient words.

Her hands fisted in the mud, rage rising in her.

"My biotics aren't working. They're not working. Give. Them. Back. To. Me," she said, voice dead and pure rage personified. Her breath quickened again. "My fucking biotics are not working. My one thing."

"Calm down," Kaidan said beside her, putting a hand on her heaving back. "Just breathe, alright?"

"How the fuck can I breathe when I don't have my fucking biotics?" she snarled and threw off his hand. "I'm useless without them! You tell me, Lieutenant!"

"You're alive," he said calmly, and crawled closer to her, his eyes tracing the cuts on her face. "We're alive. There's a rational explanation for all this. I doubt they're permanently gone."

"What if they are? I can't do my job without them. I can't. They're all I have. All that I am. You don't understand."

"I do, Shepard. Mine are gone too."

"How the fuck can you?" she yelled. "You hate yours. You're probably glad they're gone."

She breathed harshly, almost snorting through her nose and crawled to sit on a log, holding her head in her hands. "Where the fuck is Ash?" she murmured, almost losing it.

Kaidan stood, looking unoffended at her outburst. He sat beside her. "Ash is probably somewhere safe. I don't know. I didn't see her body back at the campsite. Knowing her, she might have gone to get help or something. She's a survivor."

"She wouldn't have left us."

Kaidan didn't respond. Shepard heaved and vomited more disgusting water onto her boots as he patted her back. Tears rolled down her face, and Kaidan's face crumpled.

Shepard wretched again, and moved weakly away from him on the log. She didn't need his pity or his comfort. Fuck him.

"You have other skills," she said. "You're smart, good at tech, not bad with a gun. My artillery skills are middling at best. My tech is non-existent. Biotics are the only reason they accepted me, and the reason I'm not dead in a ditch right now. I made it to Commander because I'm one of the best damn biotics they have in the service and they fucking know it. My career is over without them. I'm just some gutter trash. I'll have to go back to Earth. I never want to go back to Earth. I would rather die than go back to the life I used to have. Do you understand me?" she bit out, voice gravel. "Biotics are my life."

Tears started rolling down her face again as she extended her palm and tried to spark her blue fire there.

All she was rewarded with was a dull ache behind her eyes.

Kaidan wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer on the log. "Shh," he soothed, stroking her muddy hair. She buried her face in his neck, smelling blood and sweat there. "Shh. OK? You're gonna be fine. They'll come back. You're not going to wash out. You'll be fine."

"Kaidan," she said brokenly, her cheek stinging with her salty tears. "I can't live without them. I can't fight without them. I'm naked and exposed. How can I protect myself? How can I protect _anything_?"

"You're OK. I'm here. You're more than you think you are." His other arm came around her and she turned fully into his chest, shutting her eyes to stop the tears.

"Kaidan..."

"I'm here."

It was a long time before they pulled apart.

He searched in the small first aid kit he had attached to his belt and drew out a needle and thread.

"Your cheek has a nasty gash. It can't be left like that," he said, pulling off his gloves, and turned her face towards him gently.

"It's probably already infected. There were dead things in the water."

"I know. But I can't use medi-gel when it's gaping like that, it won't heal. There might be an infection but Chakwas can give you meds when we get back. In the meantime, it's still bleeding and the skin is loose. It'll scar very badly. It's best to sew it up, at least loosely, so you don't bleed out. I have suture training."

"Do it," she sighed. "Just do it quickly."

"I don't have painkillers," he warned. "It will hurt."

"I can handle it."

Shepard remained silent as he pulled the needle through her skin, tears in his eyes as she bit back screams. She dug her nails into his thigh, griping it in absence of his hand and her only outlet she allowed herself.

When he was done, he wiped his face looking forty-five again, and smeared medi-gel onto his sutures. "There. All fixed."

"I'm Frankenstein now," she joked weakly, wiping tears from her face and trying to bite back the vomit rising in her throat.

"Hardly."

"Let's keep walking," she said, standing on shaking legs. "We've gone too deep. We need to head back." She raised her arm and her omni-tool flared to life. This time she could see, but what she saw didn't make any sense.

"It says that since we stopped for the night, that a whole day has passed. That can't be right," she gasped and Kaidan pulled his own 'tool up.

"Mine says that too. How could that happen? How long were we sleeping for? How long were we running? Why hasn't the _Normandy_ reported in?"

She clicked her comm. "Shore party to _Normandy_. _Normandy_, come in. Joker?"

The whispers came onto the comm and she stumbled back in alarm, shutting down the connection.

"Holy fuck. What is that?"

"Let's just keep moving," Kaidan said, moving to her side. "Something in here wants us to be lost."

"Well, they're gonna be disappointed. We still have navpoint data. We're getting out of here and finding Ash. I hope she's headed back to the settlement."

* * *

They walked for what felt like days, and the gloom never brightened, no matter if their 'tools said it was noon or midnight. Shepard was ravenous and thirsty but didn't trust to drink from the streams anymore.

Kaidan walked beside her, and it was clear they were both flagging. They didn't seem to be making progress and she wondered if they were walking in circles even if their 'tools told them otherwise. She could have sworn she had passed the same tree three times.

And through it all she flicked her fingers, trying to summon her biotic power to no avail.

Eventually they started following the water, moving away from the darker streams and walking down the cool, clear ones, hoping it would lead them back to the settlement and away from the whispers. The force that had attacked them hadn't come back yet. Maybe they needed a certain time of day, or some kind of trigger, but whatever it was Shepard prayed they stayed away. She was sure that this time if they threw her into a puddle and held her down, neither she nor Kaidan would have the energy to save her from drowning.

Late in the afternoon, something drew Shepard beyond a tangle of vines and she gasped. It was like walking out of a dark cave after being raised there her whole life. Color and light and life suddenly held meaning again.

The clearing was a vision. A stream burbled, light breaking through a gap in the trees to dance and fret onto its cool surface. It was so clear Shepard could see every cool blue river stone in the bottom.

Moss grew; green, bright and soft on every rock and surface. Butterflies flocked onto great purple flowers, and mist sent scattered rainbows to dance across Shepard's eyes. There wasn't a dead animal in sight. The _Normandy_ nav data hadn't indicated anything like this, and indeed when she looked at her 'tool it said it should have been just a snarl of fallen logs and muddy puddles.

Growing up on Earth she knew urban sprawls, smog and hustle. Joining the Alliance she expanded her range to bombed-out buildings, war zones, and alien cities.

She knew concrete, metal, and cold glass. She knew wasteland, desert, and scrub.

She didn't know this.

Even the Presidium didn't match the sheer beauty of this place. The complete contrast between constructed beauty and the natural world was staggering.

The Citadel was a facade, a poor echo of what the clearing effortlessly captured - life.

"I think we should camp here, for now," Shepard said, kicking a log with her boot and assessing if it was safe to camp in the clearing. It was relatively dry and settled, small and defensible. It seemed safe to sleep, the whispers lessened in power. She could see some kind of hollow they could tuck into, out of sight. "The sun is going down soon, I think, but for now we have light. Those predators things don't like the light. We'll let off a flare, or start a fire if we can find some wood. We'll keep it burning in case Ash comes."

"Shepard, we need to find her, we-"

"We will. But it's no use stumbling around in the dark and getting killed looking for her. We need rest, we need light and we need to keep our heads on straight. Hopefully we'll be able to re-establish comms with the _Normandy _in the morning or find our way out of here."

Shepard was sick with worry over Ash. She didn't know where she could have been or what could have happened to make her separate from them. But Kaidan needed to have confidence that everything was under control. Her earlier breakdown over her biotics was unacceptable.

She started gathering sticks for a fire, hoping the matches would be dry enough to use. The sun went down, the butterflies fled and Shepard crawled into the hollow with Kaidan, a roaring fire unable to drown out the whispers.

* * *

"It's cold," Shepard muttered, sometime around two a.m. Her hips ached on the cold ground, her stomach roiling and the heat from the fire seemed to have been swallowed into nothingness before it could reach them.

"I know," Kaidan said, shifting his back against hers. He'd rolled over against the wood of the hollow at an attempt to give her some privacy, but she wished he wouldn't. "I can't sleep."

"We should conserve body heat." They were still dressed in their armor, thinking if the creatures came back it would protect them, but it was rapidly becoming highly uncomfortable. Water had leaked inside from her cut airline, and she could feel her skin pruning. It would soon become infected and rot.

So Shepard started unbuckling her boots. _Screw this_, she thought. She'd take sleeping beside Kaidan in her skivvies rather than deal with her skin sloughing off. They hadn't seen the creatures for a day, and truthfully, armored or not, there wasn't much they could do to fight them.

"I know. I don't trust myself." There was a small laugh in his voice, muted and tentative, but there.

She pulled off her chest piece and greaves and threw them next to the fire to dry out, rubbing her skin down with the hem of her singlet.

"Me neither," she muttered. "But I'm cold and tired and hey, it's not like we're totally the picture of restraint and good judgement."

He started pulling his own armor off, and threw it out of the hollow to rest beside Shepard's.

He smiled shyly, looking exhausted and old again. "Come sleep beside me, Shepard. I promise to be a perfect gentleman and not take advantage of you."

"Advantage? Ha." She laughed, crawling into his arms. "I would be more worried at me ruining your puritan modesty. I'm no lady."

"You don't know me very well, then."

"Yeah?"

"I wasn't always so..."

She arched a brow, feeling her stitches pull. "Work obsessed?"

"I'm not obsessed," he protested.

"Sure you're not." She rolled over, facing the bark wall of the hollow, and felt him curl around her, his bare legs running down hers, the friction warming them. She only wore a singlet and very short shorts, almost underwear like, but made from sweat-absorbing material, standard issue for Alliance wear under armor. He wore his own t-shirt and short pants, but their nakedness didn't seem to bother him.

"_You're_ not?" he asked. She felt him rub the back of his neck, his little uncomfortable tell. "I heard you speaking to Ash. Sounds like you don't even like taking shore leave."

Shepard sighed. "Heard that, huh?"

"Couldn't help it." There was a smile in his voice again. "You speak loudly."

"I do not, you liar." She elbowed him in his stomach and felt his puff of exhaled air, laughter soft on her neck.

"So you almost got married?"

_Ah. Here we go_, she thought. _That _discussion again.

"No. Like I said, I nipped that in the bud."

There was a silence and then he said quietly, "Well… I'm glad you did. I think I'd be pretty jealous."

"Jealous…" She hummed, feeling his hand settle on her arm, warm and slightly coarse. "Hmm, I think at this point in time my pretend husband should be pretty jealous of _you_. After all, we're naked and you're stroking my arm."

"Oops." His hand stilled. "Sorry. Habit."

She laughed and reached behind her to grab it and wrap it back over her arm. She felt him press a kiss to her shoulder and barely resisted rolling over and climbing on top of him. "You lie down in ditches with ladies often?"

"Only every five years or so. And only the really pretty ones."

Shepard blushed and despite the entire awful situation - her aching cheek, feeling like she was missing an arm without her biotics and Gunnery Chief - she grinned.

"Tell me about your apparent lack of puritan modesty. It seems like an opportune time."

She could feel his chest expand against her back with his breaths and shut her eyes. "I was young once. And stupid."

"Are you telling me you're some kind of space Casanova?" she murmured sleepily, and he laughed.

"Hardly."

"You got up to some things, though?"

He brushed her hair back from her neck and rested his chin there, lightly kissing the stitches on her cheek. Shepard used every ounce of willpower she had to not turn her head and kiss his lips. They had promised they were saving this for shore leave.

The_y promised._

"Everyone has a past," he said, his voice low with sleep and exhaustion.

"I know."

"Sleep now. We're safe."

"I feel safe." She grabbed his hand, holding it. "Here."

* * *

She was awakened in the night to something poking her thigh and realized with a hot swoop of embarrassment what it was. If she was completely honest with herself she also felt a rush of base arousal. Her face burned.

"Kaidan? You awake?" she whispered. He shifted and she heard him snuffle in his sleep. Not awake then.

Shepard lay still for long moments, trying to work out what to do. His hand was against her stomach, shifted there unconsciously in his sleep, and she tried to deny to herself how good it felt, warm, soft and comforting. She shimmied on her back, trying to soothe the ache between her legs, and accidentally drove back against him.

_That_ startled him awake. She felt him freeze up as soon as he realized his precarious situation.

"Um, I don't suppose you'd buy that it's my sidearm, would you?" he whispered to the back of her neck, breath warm.

She rolled over, smiling. "Not a chance."

He smiled shyly back at her, and as if she hadn't thought about it all, or as if she had thought about it for years and deliberated carefully, she leaned in and kissed him. He stilled for a moment, and then relaxed into her embrace. His hand drifted up to tangle into her hair, pulling her closer.

It wasn't their first kiss after all. She seemed to be 'accidentally on purpose' kissing him a lot lately, and she thought this was the damn well closest they could get to dating without actually dating.

He was too magnetic, too _Kaidan _and she had too many ready-made excuses_. _She had a head injury, she thought he was injured, they got caught up in sparring, it was dark, they were tipsy, he had a headache and she was just trying to make him feel better. It was a Tuesday. She was stressed. They were left alone for too long. They were stranded in a swamp, being chased by whispers. They had lost a friend. She woke up to him hard for her, a muddled brain, and a burning need between her thighs.

Excuses.

Excuses.

Excuses.

He was a drug she couldn't get enough of, unable to go a day without speaking to him, without sitting by him as he worked on that stupid console they both knew he had repaired months ago. He had become a part of her. An annoyingly handsome, loyal, kind, funny and far too easy to love part.

She fisted her palms into his t-shirt and pulled him closer.

She could smell that strange flowery perfume again.

Kaidan's hand snuck up her shirt, she could feel her muscles clench against his wandering hand, and smiled again against his lips.

"You shouldn't be touching me."

"You shouldn't be kissing me," he whispered back.

"You shouldn't flirt with me."

"You shouldn't look at me like that with those gorgeous eyes of yours."

Her centre gave a throb, screaming at her to tell him to use his mouth for things other than speaking. "You should shut up and kiss me."

In the firelight she could see his hand brace on a muddy patch of ground and become dirty with mud. He left a brown handprint behind on the clean skin of her stomach. She thought he had marked her, branded her, and changed her. He went to wipe it away from her skin with his shirt, but she stopped him.

She tried to flare for him, a light in the darkness, burning cosmic fire, but nothing came. Nothing flared or burnt. Nothing mattered. Her eyes sparked with frustrated tears, and he seemed to notice.

"Hey, hey. It's OK. We don't have to do this."

She pressed her lips against his. Hard. His stubble scratched her face and she knew there would be a rash in the morning.

Shepard wondered where else she might get him to leave a beard rash.

Their teeth bumped together, no finesse, but raw want. She pulled her hands through his hair, and pressed her chest against his, feeling her breasts flatten against him. His hand moved up and his thumb brushed a nipple. She sucked a sharp breath in, and pulled his shirt off hastily.

She had never wanted to let him in. Now, she never wanted to let him go.

She kissed his fingers, his wrist, up his arm. He turned his head as her lips left wet marks on his shoulder, and finally captured her lips. A bird hooted, the sound echoing into the night to be swallowed. The fire flickered as Kaidan's hand came up to bunch in her hair, rubbing the silky strands between his fingers.

A stream burbled, mists crept along the ground, the air sung with promise and secrets and life.

Shepard's hand graced his stomach with soft fingers, and moved lower, following the trail of dark hair past the waistband of his shorts.

Shepard's eyes fluttered open in the middle of the kiss, eyelashes heavy and dark, and as they did so, he seemed to sense it. He opened his eyes.

She met his heated gaze fiercely as she kissed him, stroking his length. His teeth scrapped on her bottom lip, as his hand touched the skin at her inner thigh. He was golden under the campfire light. He was the fire, and the warmth. His skin seared her, but she kept going back for more as his eyes were lit amber by the flames dancing in them. She ran her free hand over his bare chest, feeling his muscles pull beneath her palm. Her heart fluttered so quickly, she feared it would grow wings and fly away from her, as the birds flittered from branch to branch in the swamp. One wrong move and they would break their wings and be pulled to earth, to rot, to destruction.

He placed his palm over the burning warm skin over her heart, and the fear left her. He would hold her heart in his hands and cage it. A tame bird didn't break its wings.

It was slow. Everything.

Times, space and meaning lost vitality, lost immediacy. She counted the time in whirls of color, in his lips, in the places he trailed his fingers, in places his lips met, in the fingernail marks she scrapped down his back. She kissed the scars on his lips, her lips soft as pillows against them. His eyes shut and his hand moved into her hair to pull her even closer.

Her eyelids were heavy so she shut them. Her mind was foggy, like the mists before morning, or the creep of white in the deep of night, obscuring everything in its path. A heavy perfume suffused the air, sickly flowers and mushrooms of every color, glowing in the dark. A bird called again, and fell silent. He thrust against her hand, breathing harshly so she pressed open-mouthed kisses to his neck.

The whispers were back, but she drowned them out by moaning his name.

"Shepard..." he murmured, pulling her shirt up and off. She threw her head back, hair trailing down her back as his mouth found her neck, and his hands her breasts.

Soon, only sensation was left behind. The texture of his stubble, the feel of his lips. His hardness against her thigh as he pulled her up to sit in his lap. Her head lolled against his shoulder, sleepy but unsated. He pressed against her underwear, and she wished the barrier wasn't there anymore, but was too busy languishing under his hands to do anything about it.

Moss was soft on her bare back as he lowered her to the ground, his hands on her back, gentle but firm. He hovered above her, fumbling with his pants. Her thoughts became ripples that spread across the water, and then faded.

Impatient, she pulled his pants off, and lifted her hips so he could help her with her own. They slid down her thighs and his fingers slid up them to the wet apex waiting for him. The night air was cool on her heated skin. The hair on her arms stood on end and she knew it wasn't from the cold. She pulled him up her body by tugging on his shoulders, and he kissed his way up.

"I can feel your heart beating..." There was wonder in his voice, his lips to her ears. She parted her thighs and he settled between them.

Shepard looked up into the canopy and thought she could see the stars. She wished she had some alcohol at that moment, something else to numb sensation, to dull her thoughts further. It had been too long since she had sex without being drunk. She didn't know if she could do this. He was too close to her. Her heart fluttered again and he pressed his lips to the spot above the swell of her breast.

Shepard tried to flare one more time, and nothing happened.

"I can't feel anything. Make me feel something," she whispered.

The fire remained the only light. Shepard arched her back, closed her eyes and kissed him. A pain became pleasure. Shepard breathed deeply, her hips undulating like a river serpent, her eyes river stones, her mouth red berries. His hair was black as the raven's feather, his skin heated stones in the sunshine, and his lips soft river water, quenching her thirst. His hair curled in her hands, completely undone, untamed, uncontrolled for her. He nipped her neck, kissed her eyelids and moved inside her. Shepard moaned. She drew her leg up his body and hooked it around his hip.

Shadows crept over their bodies, the small fire they had built unsuccessfully keeping away the dark.


	4. Dam

Shepard awoke curled away from the campfire, torn up moss draped over her. She stretched, chasing away dreams vivid in her mind's eye. Her face became hot as she recalled them, and she wished she was back on the _Normandy _so she could have a shower and be alone with her thoughts.

A screeching bird was calling to its mate and if she could see it she would have shot it. Shepard had a pounding headache, her mouth was dry, and truthfully she felt exactly as she had the time she had drank fourteen vodka shots, a pitcher of beer, and woke up unable to figure out how to open the bathroom door before she spewed up all over it.

She could have roasted the stupid damn bird over the fire to sate the ache in her stomach. She was slowly starving to death. Despite her missing biotics, her metabolism still felt like it raced at its usual frenetic pace, and that unwelcome hunger gnawed at her belly for the first time since she was sixteen. She also thought she might have a fever, the way her head swum and her skin was slick with sweat.

She jumped up, unwilling to examine those thoughts further, and realized that was a bad idea when she nearly fainted, black creeping into the edges of her vision. Steadying herself, she saw she was still only dressed in the tight-fitting singlet and shorts she wore under her armor. Her neck was stiff, and her back was sore.

Kaidan was lying across the hollow, curled into a ball with his back towards her.

She crawled over to him. "Kaidan."

He didn't answer so she roughly grabbed his shoulder, trying to not remember her dreams. Thank god he was still clothed in his t-shirt and shorts.

She smirked, silently congratulating her rather active imagination. 'Ride that stallion,' indeed. She hadn't dreamt like that in a long time. Her dreams were never generally pleasant, and lately they had just been consumed with the Prothean's death and destruction, planted in her brain by the Beacon.

"LT. Wake up."

His eyes snapped open and he rolled in one smooth motion, his pistol pointed at her. His eyes were wild, darting from her face and away. He looked almost blinded and completely feral.

Shepard raised her hand, attempting to summon a barrier on instinct but nothing happened. His eyes were fogged, as if he didn't recognize her. Or maybe he had been as lost in dreams as she had been, and the real world was a rude awakening.

"It's me. You're safe. We're safe here. You were just sleeping."

He lowered his gun. "Shepard! I'm sorry."

She let out her held breath. "OK. Not exactly the morning greeting I was expecting."

"Sorry," he said again. "It was instinct. You startled me. I dreamt some…. Some bad things. Vyrnnus was there…I dunno." Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. "Guess I was sleeping deeper than I thought."

"It's fine. You didn't pull the trigger at least," she grumbled, but relented when he looked horrified. "I would have shot you, if I was startled awake. Don't feel bad. I should have known better than to grab you like that."

"Shepard, there's something unnatural about this place. I never sleep like that. Never. Ever since I was a boy I've slept fitfully, and at least been aware of my surroundings. This isn't right."

"I know. My dreams... they were so real. Do you think we could have been drugged?"

"Drugged, how?" He frowned, and they started crawling out of the hollow to collect their now dried armor. "We haven't eaten anything. The asari said some of the plants and animals have psychotropic effects but I don't see how we could have been infected. We have water purifying tablets."

"They might not filter out stuff like LSD derivatives. Plus there are other ways, though, right?" She felt her stomach gurgle and more sweat trickle down her brow. She was shedding liquid she couldn't afford to lose. "I don't feel well."

"Have you taken drugs before?" he asked, starting to pull on his greaves. He looked calm but she noted he wouldn't quite meet her eyes. The sun was shining brighter in the clearing than yesterday and Shepard felt marginally cheered by it.

"'Course I have," she huffed, slapping on a glove. "You live as long on the streets as I did and it's hard to avoid. My mother was a regular user. There was always stuff in the house. Strange men. I tried a few times with the Reds. I never got into it seriously, didn't have the money for one, and I had my brother to be responsible for. It was more a peer pressure thing; it didn't do much for me." She shrugged and turned for him to clip up her chest piece. "One drug addict family member was enough. Finding veins when you're starving to death is a bitch, too. I know what it feels like though. It feels like this. How about you?"

"Not really." He coughed and looked away as she started doing up his own clips on his chest piece.

She arched an eyebrow in surprise. "That's not a 'no' I'm hearing."

He sighed. "I dabbled as a stupid messed up kid fresh from Brain Camp. Nothing major. Just smoked some things. Thought it would take my problems away. It didn't. As soon as I joined the Alliance I left that life behind." His eyes widened. "And oh god when you meet my mother I would sell you my soul for you to never, ever mention that to her."

Kaidan shoved dirt onto the fire with his boot and Shepard smirked, starting to walk away.

She tried not to think of the fact they still didn't know where Ash was. At least the whispers were gone.

"Who says I'm going to meet your mother?"

* * *

Shepard marvelled at the difference in the wooded swamp. Birds sung again, and she didn't see a single dead animal. She took it as a sign they were heading in the right direction.

Just in case though, she palmed her knife constantly, and Kaidan kept his pistol ready, despite knowing it would probably do them no good.

Shepard made a misstep, tripping over a hidden hole that was draped with leaves. On instinct as she fell, she tucked her arm against her body, but knew that it would take the full force of her fall and likely shatter again. She closed her eyes and thought and suddenly her descent halted.

She opened her eyes and to her everlasting jubilation and amazement found herself hovering, caught with her own biotics, blue flaring around her body.

"Kaidan!" she screamed, joy in every syllable. "My biotics! They're working again."

He jogged the short distance over to her, grinning from ear to ear.

"So I see."

She set herself down on the ground and just for kicks swerved and threw a blue missile at a log. It exploded in a shower of bark and moss.

She turned to him, almost bouncing on the spot. "LT, you try it. See if yours are back."

He flicked his hand and a barrier sprung up around them.

"Yes!" she crowed, and forgetting herself, leapt into his arms, and hugged him tightly. "They're back. I'm me again."

He smiled and she couldn't help but think it looked rather small and sad. "Guess I'm me again, too."

She stepped closer, watching his eyes and placed a hand gently on his shoulder.

"That's a good thing. A very good thing. I… We need you to be a whole man. You're stronger with them than without."

He put his hand over hers. "I know. Thanks, Shepard."

* * *

Shepard padded warily around the next corner and to her great surprise saw Ash lying there in the middle of a rocky pool.

"Ash!" she yelled, vaulting a log. "Oh please, oh please, oh please, don't be dead."

She threw herself to Ash's side and noted that her face was completely unsubmerged, but the rest of her body was carefully arranged under the water, her hands spread in supplication. To her shock she saw that her thick, dark hair was out of its customary bun and floated in the water like a bridal veil. There were blood red flowers threaded through it, and decorated with moss and small freshwater pearls.

It was the most bizarre scene Shepard had ever seen. She didn't have a scratch on her, and her chest rose and fell gently.

She tapped the side of her face. "Ash?"

Ash's eyelids fluttered. "… Skipper?" she murmured.

Shepard pulled her up and into her arms, her great veil of hair becoming a waterfall as she rose and shed flowers.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Shepard demanded, tugging the other woman to her feet as Kaidan ran over. "We've been searching for you for about two days. We were chased."

"Two days? I was just standing guard, on watch. And I, uh, I got sleepy. I tried to wake you, but I fell over. I just woke up here." She looked dazed and dangerously pale, so Shepard wrapped an arm around her waist worriedly. Ash swayed on the spot.

"What happened to your hair?" Kaidan asked with a frown, and Ash picked up a strand, squinting at the small purple flower woven into it.

"I dunno, sir."

"OK," Shepard barked. "This is officially the creepiest fucking planet I have ever been to and we need to leave right now. Let's go. Kaidan, help me with her."

He went to Ash's other side, and wrapped his arm around her waist too. Shepard saw Ash's lips were dry and cracked, and thought she was dangerously dehydrated. She kept blinking slowly.

"I smell flowers," she said under her breath.

"I know," Shepard responded, beginning to walk towards more light through the trees. "Come on, Chief. We're getting out of here."

The next clearing they came to had black water. They had to be nearly out.

_No, no no_, Shepard thought frantically. They had to get out.

The whispers swirled around them, chanting, calling. Blood ran down from Shepard's ears, and Ash's eyes rolled into the back of her head. Kaidan's whole body shook.

A dead elk stood before them, its throat gaping, its tongue lolling and its eyes gone.

It opened its mouth and spoke.

* * *

"YOU HAVE COME TOO FAR."

Its voice seemed to echo in their mind and Shepard knew he was the source of the whispers, or whatever was controlling him.

"What are you?" she demanded, handing Ash to Kaidan and stepping forward. She gripped her Ka-Bar and experimentally flared, relieved her biotics still washed over her skin and sparked against the metal of her knife.

"I AM WHAT IS MUTED. THE GREEN WORD. YOU TREPASS ON THAT WHICH YOU KNOW NOT."

Shepard sloshed through the black water, meeting its dead gaze. She wasn't afraid of some stupid deer. She fought geth. She fought Saren. She saw the darkness of the human heart, and no rotting creature was going to intimidate her. "We only wanted to leave. Why do you keep trying to kill us? What are you?"

"I AM WHAT WAS LEFT BEHIND." Its head lolled, slime dripping from its mouth. Shepard smelt something putrid and understood that the elk itself wasn't their foe, but something behind its dead eyes, calling to them from the heart. "I AM ANCIENT. I ENDURE. I HID WHILE THE LAST CYCLE BURNED. I WILL NOT BE EXPOSED AND YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ALIVE. YOUR BODIES ARE OURS."

She frowned, her breathing quickening. "The last cycle? What cycle? The Protheans?"

"LEVIATHAN MADE A MISTAKE. I WILL NOT PAY FOR IT."

"So you try to kill us? We only wanted to leave."

It canted its head, looking beyond her to where Kaidan and Ash stood. Ash was struggling to her feet and thumbing the safety off her rifle. Kaidan watched, his eyes intent on Shepard's back. He flared, dark energy held in his hands.

"YOU ARE TAINTED. THE OTHERS MAY LEAVE. YOUR MIND IS IMPURE. YOUR PRESENCE HERALDS THE MACHINES." It stepped closer to her; she could see maggots swarm in its neck wound. "THEY ARE INSIDE YOU."

"I'm not leaving without her," Kaidan growled from behind. "Go screw yourself."

"Shut up, Lieutenant!" Shepard barked. "I'll handle this."

"BASE CREATURE." Its gaze swung to Kaidan, and Shepard felt the whispers intensify. She felt her spine start to bend under the weight, but straightened her back with great effort and tried to block out the chanting. "YOU RUT AND THINK YOU KNOW ONE'S MIND. SHE WILL DESTORY YOU. HER TOUCH IS ROT AND YOU ARE INFECTED. SILENCE YOURSELF."

"Were you talking about the Reapers before?" she asked, bringing its attention back to herself and away from Kaidan. "I touched the Beacon. They aren't in my mind."

"WE CARE NOT. YOU WOULD DOOM US ALL. THEY CARVE THEIR PLACE IN YOUR DOUBT."

"Can you tell me anything about them?" she asked desperately, seizing on her chance to learn anything about the threat Saren was intent on bringing back. "How can we fight them?"

"YOUR WORLD WILL BURN. YOUR CHILDREN WILL BURN. YOUR FOREST WILL BURN. THE ROT DOES NOT STOP. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. I WILL NOT LET YOU LURE THEM HERE. I KEEP THIS PLACE, AND THIS PLACE KEEPS ME."

"It keeps you? Do the asari know about you? Do you speak with them?"

"THE BLUE CREATURES KEEP THEIR GREEN WORD, AS THEIR MOTHERS DID, AS THEIR GRANDMOTHERS, AS THEIR GREAT GRANDMOTHERS. THEY STRAY FROM THE PATH AND THEY ARE LOST, BUT THEY DO NOT KNOW US."

"Commander?" Ash said, shoving Kaidan away from her and raising her gun. "I don't think this thing wants to negotiate."

It turned its dead gaze to her and its mouth hung open as if it was laughing. "ASHES ON THE WIND. THE ONE WHO WILL BURN BEFORE HER ROT. YOU ARE YET PURE, UNLIKE THE MALE CREATURE. YOU FOLLOW HER. IT IS FOLLY."

"Let us go. We'll just walk away," Shepard said, trying to edge past it and usher her marines by.

"YOU ARE DEATH AND YOU SHALL NOT LEAVE."

Darkness flew into the clearing and there was a whoosh of misplaced air. Something slammed into Shepard and she flew back to land heavily beside Kaidan and Ash.

"Skipper!" Ash cried, and pulled her up.

Shepard ignored the ache spreading through her whole body and stood.

"Kill him," she barked. "We're leaving. Now."

Ash fired and Kaidan flared but the elk was no longer standing there.

Swarms of whatever the creature could summon flew at them, slicing into their armor, but unable to penetrate the ablative layer that could stop mass accelerated bullets.

Shepard threw a Singularity into the place it used to be, setting up multiple tidal zones around the clearing to hopefully pull it in. It moved fast as sea serpent, skittering along the ground instead of clopping on its hooves.

There was a _whoompf_, and Kaidan was thrown off his feet, smashing into a tree and falling into a puddle, face down.

He didn't get up.

"INFECTED!" the thing screeched.

Shepard ran for him, sliding in the mud when the creature barrelled for her and she jumped over its legs. Ash's rifle chattered, covering Shepard as she tried to save the man she suspected she had fallen in love with from drowning.

She pulled his face from the water. Blood oozed down from a wound in his forehead and he was unconscious, but breathing. Shepard dragged him out, but as she did so, something slammed into her side and sent her flying.

She landed, skidding across the wet ground and feeling her stomach scream in agony at the abuse. It was a wonder her ribs weren't broken.

She thought perhaps the creature had some ancient and unseen brand of biotics, or maybe it was like the Thorian, archaic and unknowable. Perhaps it had somehow advanced and evolved to the point to possess telekinesis. It was clearly capable of possessing dead bodies, similar to the Rachni queen.

Shepard lay in the mud, her hands fisting there. Ash was beset on every side by the dark swarms, her face panicked and milky. Kaidan lay still.

Shepard exploded.

A shockwave of blue slammed through the clearing, sending everything that wasn't Kaidan and Ash flying. Droplets of water hung suspended in the air, globules of mud floating. Gravity was her bitch, and no stupid fucking elk was going to kill her friends.

"YOUR LIGHT TRICKS ARE UNEVOLVED. BASE. TAKEN AWAY SO EASILY. YOUR MIND JUST NEEDS THE RIGHT BLOCKS."

Shepard gave a raw yell, running at the creature, who for a moment had been halted by her shockwave. She raised her palm, holding it flat before her, ready to throw him with her biotics across the clearing, but a heavy perfume suffused the air, and her powers died away.

The water fell out of the air. Everything she held suspended in her power was subjected to the law of physics again.

"No," Shepard growled. "You can't take them away from me! You coward. Give them back. They're my _birthright_!"

"YOU ARE WEAK. LESSER CREATURE. SMALL FEMALE. BEND AND I SHALL MOUNT. SUBMIT."

"Fuck you," she spat.

Kaidan was stirring in the mud, his hands grasping weakly for his pistol. "No," he murmured, trying to climb to his feet.

The creature seemed to grin at her, watching him slyly. He dodged Ash's bullets in ways that seemed impossible to Shepard's eyes. The creature was like the shadows themselves, seeming to melt away from the stream of Ash's fire.

It leapt for Kaidan and threw him into the puddle again.

This time, he sat on his back, and its dead eyes gleamed at Shepard as Kaidan's arms and legs began flailing, and bubbles rose from the puddle.

Kaidan's wasted air. His death rattles.

Shepard saw red. She didn't think much when it came to Kaidan. She never did. She reacted. She bargained. She made excuses. She threw logic out of the air lock. She broke all her rules. She broke all his rules. She broke all the Alliance's rules.

So it was natural when she threw herself onto the back of the elk, gripped his ruined neck, pulled out her Ka-Bar, and sliced his head clean off.

The whispers stopped. The shadow retreated.

The dead elk fell at her feet.

She didn't pay any attention, just hauled Kaidan out of the filthy water for the second time, wiping elk blood off her face.

"Kaidan, y-you OK?" she asked, shaky and terrified.

"I'm OK. I'm OK," he said, spitting water out and panting.

Ash ran over to them, her mouth hanging open. "Holy fucking shit, Skipper. You're a-a… you're amazing. That was the most badass thing I have ever seen."

Shepard paid no attention. "Forget that. We're leaving. Bug out. Right now."

Kaidan struggled to his feet and she pushed Ash ahead, shouting at her to run. Shepard pulled Kaidan along, and just before she cleared the next curtain of vines, he grabbed her arm, put his hand on her cheek and kissed her passionately on the mouth. She tasted mud, death and Kaidan, and it was somehow the best kiss she ever had in her life.

Then he took her hand, and they ran, black water chasing them.

They burst into sunlight to see the _Normandy_ hovering over the settlement and Wrex, Garrus, Tali, Liara and Joker harassing some asari, demanding to know where the ground team was.

* * *

Shepard settled back on the med bay slab, for once docile as Chakwas strapped a blood pressure cuff onto her arm, and drew blood from her vein.

"You had psychotropics in your system. I saw it in Lieutenant Alenko's and Gunnery Chief Williams' blood work I took earlier," the doctor said, swabbing disinfectant over Shepard's cuts.

"Doc, I certainly felt high on something. I dunno. Everything was kinda… surreal," Shepard said, and leaned back on the med table as Chakwas started undoing Kaidan's stitches.

She hummed. "Nice stitch work. Not quite up to my calibre, but good for a messy in-the-field job. That man should have become a doctor."

"I don't think that's quite Kaidan's thing," Shepard said, her smile turning into a wince as Chakwas gave a tug on a bothersome stitch. She made a mental note to stroke Kaidan's ego and let him know what Chakwas had said. She laughed internally. He'd probably blush and say Chakwas was being generous. "So what about the drugs, doc?"

"They would have lowered your inhibitions, and also contributed to a sort of neurochemical block in your brain. It would have made you incapable of the precise control and thought patterns that trigger your eezo nodules." Chakwas shrugged and began swiping Shepard's cheek with medi-gel and some kind of foul smelling antibiotic paste. "Even with your physical mnemonics to fire your neurons, the signal just wasn't getting through. Once you were dosed you probably started to build a resistance up, or sweated the chemicals out."

"So what you're saying is it blocked off access to my biotics?"

"Yes. You would have felt some side effects. Psychotropics or neuroactives have a wide range of effects: sudden depression, violent rage, heightened sexual arousal, paranoia, insomnia, increased blood flow, euphoria, decreased brain function, mood alteration. It's impossible to tell." Shepard hopped off the med slab and started to pull her SR-1 jacket back on over her filthy singlet. Chakwas raised her eyebrows as she fussed with her medical tools. "Actually if we could ever patent and market whatever drug affected you, it would rake in a lot of money for the Alliance. A drug that takes away biotic power temporarily? It's a gold mine."

"I'm recommending we class that planet as highly dangerous. Hackett's spoken to the asari, but they reckon living near the swamp with that thing is worth the risk. Even Hackett is unwilling to leak this to medical companies. It's too risky. Plus, I don't think the Matriarchs will allow humans to swarm all over that place and discover their secrets. I don't think that thing would allow it either."

Chakwas nodded. "You're right. It's probably for the best."

Shepard frowned. "I'm familiar with drugs, Doc, and the LT and I were definitely not shooting up down there."

"I can't run analysis without proper samples, but it's likely it was in the very air you breathed, or a plant like a flower. Brightly colored species are usually nature's warning sign. It could have even been the mud. We'll probably never know."

"Do you think the asari know about the effect on biotics?" Shepard asked, making her way to the door and her waiting shower and bed.

"Perhaps that's why they colonize that planet, to protect it and keep its secret. Maybe it was a fluke and it was a rare species you ran across. Perhaps it only affects the human brain. I can't say."

"Guess we'll never know. I'm not going back there to find out. I just hope I killed that thing for good, but I doubt it."

Shepard winked at Chakwas and was out the door.

She paused when she saw a man with a dark and uncharacteristically rumpled head of hair sitting at the mess table.

* * *

Shepard crept up on him and whispered to the shell of his ear, "Got milk?"

Kaidan jumped about a foot in the air, bags heavy under his eyes. "What?"

"Milk." She motioned to the glass of white liquid he clutched in his hands. "Not often I see you drinking that."

"Yeah." He smiled wanly. "Figured it would help me come down a little and sleep. Ma gave it to me when I was a boy and would have nightmares."

"Working yet?"

"Nope." He sighed, and she pulled the chair out to sit beside him. "Every time I close my eyes… well, that planet was different."

"Yeah. I know how that feels." She clapped him on the shoulder, feeling his warm skin through his shirt. She didn't let her hand linger. "Bunk down early, you look like you could use the rest. Ash is already out like a light."

"I will, Shepard."

She got up to pad to the locker room.

"Hey, Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saving me back there. I, uh… Ash was right. You really are amazing. And badass," he lowered his voice, "And ridiculously hot."

Shepard grinned. "I should be the one thanking you for your help down there. I, um, I wasn't at my best. I'm ashamed to admit I didn't handle the whole biotic thing as well as I could have. I'm sorry; you won't have to deal with me being so grossly unprofessional again."

"You don't have to say sorry. I understand. Really."

She stated back away, trying to look away from his gaze and failing. "So… sleep well, LT."

"You too, Commander."

* * *

Shepard padded into the showers, running a hand through her grimy hair. She pulled a bug the size of a cherry stone out and grimaced. It was dead, of course, killed by the _Normandy's _decontamination procedures. She was technically as clean as if she had freshly showered, microbiology-wise.

Still, she shuddered, feeling dirty. She turned the shower up as high as it would go and started removing her clothes, still filthy from the swamp.

As she hopped in the shower, she looked down. She blinked dully at what she saw and in seconds the water had washed it away as if it had never been.

A muddy handprint left on her stomach, far too large to be hers.

Shepard leaned her head back on the wall and laughed until tears ran down her face.

Some things were meant to stay in dreams, stay buried with the shadows, and cool dappled paths, embraced by moss and ivy, to scurrying from pools and glide into the depths to never be laid eyes on again. They were supposed to grow, and die and rot away. They were the past, the primitive, the beautiful and ephemeral.

And some things were meant to burst their way out into the light, to strive, to never sleep, to live forever among the cold light of the stars.

* * *

**Lagrangian**: the five positions in an orbital configuration where a small object affected only by gravity can theoretically be part of a constant-shape pattern with two larger objects. The Lagrange points mark positions where the combined gravitational pull of the two large masses provides precisely the centripetal force required to orbit with them.

**Klick**: Pseudo-condensed pronunciation of kilometre, commonly used by US military forces.

**Take point or taking point**: to take point, walk point, be on point, or be a point man means to assume the first and most exposed position in a combat military formation that is, the lead soldier/unit advancing through hostile or unsecured territory.

**Ka-Bar**: Ka-Bar (trademarked as KA-BAR, capitalized) is the contemporary popular name for the combat knife first adopted by the United States Marine Corps in November 1942. The KA-BAR fighting utility knife traditionally used a 7 in. (178 mm) 1095 carbon steel clip point blade and leather-washer handle. Other, more modern versions of this knife feature single or dual-edge blades and synthetic handles made of Kraton (a non-slip rubber substitute).

**CO**: Commanding Officer.

* * *

Poem reference is clearly _Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening_ by Robert Frost, written in 1922, and which I have obliquely referenced recently in_ Changeling_.

Title is taken from the John Steinbeck novel.

This can be taken as canon to _Changeling_ and _Set Free_, but it's more of an experimental side story. It happens in... say, one of those off-beat, 'very special' episodes that don't fit with anything else. The time period I would say to be after all the side missions and story planets, but before Virmire.

The swamp is inspired by the one from _Avatar: The Last Airbender_, funnily enough the episode entitled _The Swamp_.

The 'sidearm' joke is also paraphrased and cribbed from the _Stargate: SG-1_ episode, 'Solitudes', written by Brad Wright.

There are things open to your interpretation and you can make your own mind up about them.

The planet's name isn't made up. It's from Australian Aboriginal mythology as are many planets' names in Mass Effect, such as Alchera. (Alcheringa means dreamtime to indigenous Australians, a period unaffected by time, a continuum of past, present and future).

The planet Anjea already exists in Mass Effect but I have changed its location and physical properties to suit my story. Originally, it was in the same system as Alchera.

Comments on anything are, of course, always appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks to Cortina and Hales for picking out my typos.


End file.
